Grateful? – Five Minute Friday

Last Friday’s prompt for Five Minute Friday was “grateful.” I was surprised by how difficult it was for me to write on that. Finally, today, on Wednesday, I was able to find words to respond to the prompt. Five minutes; here goes:

Grateful? Gracious, I hadn’t thought of it recently. Grace – we say thank you for our food.  Daily grind; grin and bear it; don’t lose your grasp. Grateful? Grr. Grumbling does no good. Good grief. Grateful. Grimace.

What happened? I’ve been thinking all week about this word, and I can’t write a cohesive sentence about gratefulness without getting angry. I don’t like to gripe. I don’t want to be UNgrateful. But I’ve been gripping so tightly to hold on to joy through some grim realities that I don’t FEEL grateful. Just exhausted.

Not so many months ago I could have extolled the virtues of the mundane or celebrated the wonders of simple existence. I could have written pages about things that moved me to feel grateful. It would have been an uplifting exercise to meditate on being so. But not today. Not this week. Not this month. Not this year.

Not yet. I’m still hopeful.

I’m remembering to see the beauty. I’m reminding others to look for it. I’m encouraging those who falter. I’m honoring the weaker members. I’m structuring plans for improvement. I’m hoping this will all lead to . . . something to be grateful for?

I’ll lay aside the grateful challenge. I’m grateful for grace to minister where I am sent. That’ll have to be enough for now.

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